


there haven't been any quiet moments

by mozartspiano



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, The Sacred Mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:09:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5888773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozartspiano/pseuds/mozartspiano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a leopard. Liam doesn't know how he got here.</p><p>A Bringing Up Baby AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there haven't been any quiet moments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dramaturgicallycorrect](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaturgicallycorrect/gifts).



> I wrote this instead of doing actual things I needed to do. You're welcome, Kate.

The clock over the door in Liam's office is showing just past midnight when he hears a loud clang from the showroom.

Liam pauses in his notes, looking up at his still office. He waits a second before looking back to his papers. A minute later there's another clang.

"Hank?" Liam calls, really not wanting to move. "Is that you?"

Hank, the elderly security man, does not reply.

Liam, who's had enough of this nonsense for one night, decides to check on it himself. He grabs the large copper globe, a present from the president of the museum, from when it sits on his desk and edges towards the doorway.

It's silent in the museum, cold, quiet hallways and shadows everywhere. Liam knows it like the back of his hand though, been working here since he was a fresh faced grad student. He's also been taken longer and longer night shifts ever since he got down on one knee for Eloise.

"Hello!" he says, as threateningly as he can. "I am fully armed! Show yourself!"

"Hello?" a voice calls back. "I didn't realize anyone else was in here. Hi!"

"I am calling the police," Liam says, cursing under his breath when he pats his pockets. His phone is definitely on his desk. It is also definitely dead after the barrage of texts from Louis. "They are definitely on their way."

He rounds the corner and holds up his copper ball award.

"Oh."

The person making all the noise is a leggy brunette with big eyes and a big nose and a big, pink mouth. He's wearing a horrifying orange jumper and impossibly tight skinny jeans. There are gold, sparkly boots on his feet.

"Hi!" the burglar says cheerily. "Sorry for popping in like this. I forgot my umbrella in here the other day, figured I might as well look for it now. The guy at the front desk - Hank? – he told me to take a look around but I guess it's gone forever. It's a little annoying, but I'm trying not to let myself get too caught up in material objects and just live in the moment, you know? My friend Nick just hired a life coach to examine his day-to-day choices, and she told him he should stop thinking about money and focus his ambition into happiness instead. He thinks it's a load of crap but I think Joanne is really onto something."

Liam blinks. The burglar blinks back.

"Oh," Liam says, after a long pause.

"Exactly," the handsome burglar says back. "Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

Liam, who would certainly have remembered meeting a creature as odd as the one in front of him, shakes his head.

"No? Are you sure? Do you work for the museum?"

The burglar waits for him to nod.

"Ohhh, well that must be it, then. My ex-boyfriend Matty - do you know Matty? He's kind of surly, _great_ hair, used to work in the wing with the animals? He's skinny? Writes poetry? Obnoxious? I still care about him a lot but we had our differences as every couple does, I'm sure you understand. What it came down to in the end is that he didn't take us seriously, you know? And you know, it doesn't matter how good the sex is, sometimes you have to do what feels right in your heart-"

"I know Matty."

"Good! Right, so he got me going here in the first place because I really like animals, see, and that's how I wound up with Baby. Not that I don't love Baby, but it's certainly not easy. My place is far too small for her and - hey!"

The burglar is grinning, suddenly, a bright white smile. Liam's lost the plot completely.

"What?" Liam asks. He doesn't know what to do with his hands. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What's your name?" the burglar asks, tilting his head to the side and softening his smile. "I'm Harry."

"Um. Liam. Ugh."

"Liam!" Harry takes two steps towards him and for a second Liam thinks they're going to shake hands but instead Harry grabs onto his arm, hanging onto it like a cheerleader with her football boyfriend. "Liam, I think you might just be the answer to all my prayers."

"Oh, good," Liam says, edging away from Harry's tight grasp. "Well, if that's settled, I would check in the lost and found for your umbrella and come back another time-"

" _Liam_ ," Harry says, mournfully. "Liam, I can't thank you enough for helping me. You're a good person. Liam, you have a heart of gold."

"Okay."

Harry smiles at him for long enough that Liam's mind turns into a little pile of mush. Then he's being led down the hall.

"What?" Liam says, looking over his shoulder at his office. "What is happening?"

"Do you have a car?" Harry asks, pulling Liam's arm with both of his hands. "I don't have a car. I had to ask Gemma to get me and Baby here and everything, it was so embarrassing. She had to go to work though, well, you know Gemma."

Liam, who very much does not know Gemma, nods along. He feels that might be the best approach to Harry. 

"Now I told Baby to stay in these trees here," Harry says as they get through the main doors. It's chilly outside and Liam feels stupid in his light cardigan. "So hopefully she did that and didn't go running off." 

"Look, Harry-"

"Yes?" Harry says, stopping. He gives Liam a bright grin.

"Um," Liam says. "You - um. I don't understand."

"That's okay, Liam. There's no shame in being confused." 

Harry drags him down the steps and around the side of the main wing of the museum. There's a little ring of trees; sometimes Liam brings his lunch out here of a weekday. 

Harry drops his arm and puts two fingers in his mouth. He blows a sharp note.

"What are you doing?"

"Shh! You'll scare her away!"

"Who? Who am I-"

Liam stops dead. Emerging from the trees is a leopard. 

"Baby!" Harry says, running forward to _embrace the leopard_. He locks his arms around its throat and nuzzles their noses together. "That was quite irresponsible of you to run off like that. Are you sorry?"

"Harry."

"Yes, Liam?" 

"That's a leopard."

"Yes it is, Liam. Where's your car parked?"

"That's a leopard."

"Yes, Liam, I know. Which one is your car?"

"Silver Volkswagen," Liam says. He follows Harry and the leopard to his car. "You have a leopard, Harry."

"Her name is Baby," Harry says. He gives another one of his mind melting smiles. "Can you open the backdoors? Baby gets scared in the passenger seat." 

Liam opens the back doors. Harry opens one for Baby and she jumps in, curling up with her big, fluffy _leopard_ paws all over Liam's leather seats. Harry double checks to see that her tail is tucked inside the car before he closes the door firmly.

"Well," Harry says, grinning bright. "That's good. Off we go then."

"Harry." Liam puts an arm out to stop Harry from getting into the passenger seat. "Why do you have a leopard?"

Harry looks flummoxed at that. 

"Oh," he says, frowning. "Did I not tell you about Matty?"

"No, you told me about Matty."

"And I mentioned how Gemma drove us here?"

"Yeah, you mentioned that."

Harry blinks. "I don't really know how to make it any clearer, Liam." 

Liam watches him slide into the seat. He blinks a few times. 

"Come on," Harry says. "If we want to get up to Newcastle by tomorrow morning we need to leave now."

"Newcastle?"

"Yes, Liam, that's what I said."

Liam sits down into the driver's seat. He could have sworn he was reading about the Abbasid Dynasty five minutes ago. 

"Do you like Cher?" Harry asks, already plugging his phone into the little converter thing Liam has stuck into the headphone jack. "I'm so obsessed with _Believe_ at the minute, it's all I'm listening to. Is that okay? You don't hate Cher, right?"

The opening synthesizer of Cher begins, _after love, after love, after love, after love_. Harry's bopping along already, turning round in his seat to give Baby a big smile before he turns it on Liam. 

"I also have Britney, but I figure we'll need that a bit later on, when we're getting tired. I also stocked up on Paul Simon, do you like Paul Simon? I love Paul Simon. My dad used to play him a lot when he would pick Gem and I up for weekends with him. He once took us to this carnival thing in Cornwall and I got sick on the Ferris Wheel and almost puked on him. It was really fun."

Liam puts his hands on the wheel. He's not sure how he got here.

"Oh, Liam," Harry says.

He turns. Harry is staring at him with those big eyes, hair fluffy out around him like Baby's fur. The tops of his cheekbones are brushed with rose, as is the tip of his nose. He's stunning. 

"I really appreciate this."

"It's, uh, no problem."

Harry grins. He leans over and places a warm kiss on Liam's cheek. It burns through Liam's entire body. 

Liam shouldn't do this. He has a job. He has a fiancé. 

"Newcastle?" he asks.

"Newcastle," Harry says, smile brighter than anything he's ever seen.

Liam starts the engine.


End file.
